Comatose
by LittleMissStark
Summary: set during "monster in my window", while Kyle is in a diabetic coma he has dreams that seem so real, eric didn't make it and he wants nothing but to die but eric won't let him. Trigger warning for attempt of suicide.


Green eyes fluttered open, looking and questioning everything. His body felt heavy and wires were hooked up to him. He groaned, seeing his room was lonely. He wondered where Eric was. Eric wasn't the type to leave when someone he loves is hurt or needs protection. He felt the sting of the thought that he didn't make it through this. He ignored it. He had to be ok. He pressed the call nurse button.

A nurse came in, gasping. "Oh good, your awake. I'll get your doctor." Quickly the room filled with his family and his doctor. The doctor wasn't half way though his talk when Kyle blurred out with watery eyes. "Where's Eric? He should be here." He saw how sad his parents suddenly got.

No.

No, it can't be true.

The doctor spoke quietly m. "I'll leave to give you some privacy." The doctor left quickly. Kyle spoke to his mom, his voice cracking. "Mom..." Sheila sniffled. "I'm sorry bubblah, he didn't make it. His body was found at the church." Kyle sucked in a few breaths, his tears running rampant down his face as he denied the information. "No, he can't be dead. No...God...oh god..." Kyle sobbed, his hand coming to his face, sobbing into them, gripping his red curls as his mother hugged him, joining in his grief.

They had a small funeral while he was still comatose. Something about being unsure when he would wake. Once he was able to go home, he told his mom to stop by the cemetery. She nodded.

Once there he got out of the car, telling her he wants to visit alone. She lets him.

He walked to the gravestone that held Erics name sake on it.

It was one of those flat, temporary ones while the actual tombstone was being made, having this be so rushed. He read the inscription with watery eyes.

Eric Theodore Cartman

Tough guy with a heart of gold

Kyle smiled sadly, sucking in a breath to speak clearly. "Hi...I'm...I'm so sorry. You died because of me. This is all my fault." Kyles lip trembled. "If I could have fought my own battles you would have never gotten mixed up in this and you'd still be here." "Shut up Kyle." Kyle turned quickly, seeing Eric standing near him. He was in shock.

How is Eric here when he's dead? Is he hallucinating? Eric just smiled sadly. "Blaming yourself is stupid and useless." Kyle went to hug him but he just went though him, he looked at Eric. Eric shrugged as he turned. "Sorry, kinda dead, remember?" Kyle shook his head.

"Insensitive prick." "Dumb Jew."

"Fucking fat ass!" Kyle let out a sob. He felt let he was going crazy in the best way. Eric walked closer. "You know this isn't real right? You need to wake up." Kyle wipes his face. "What? What are you talking about?" But then Eric was gone. Kyle groaned, pulling at his hair, wondering what the hell just happened.

But a few days later while making baked goods for Erics mother he showed up again. Startling Kyle to good heaven. "Your not rolling it right." He looked, seeing Eric leaning against the fridge. He gasped, placing his hand on his chest as a means of willing his heart to calm. He looked at Eric. "I'm rolling it just fine. I'm following the instructions." Kyle went back to rolling the cookie dough.

"The instructions are wrong then." Kyle bit his lip, feeling that familiar temper flare up slightly. "How are they wrong? They came with the damn kit." Eric shrugged, looking smug and dear god Kyle wasn't sure if he wanted to slap it or kiss it off of him. "Just is. They won't rise that way." Kyle threw the rolling pin down int the counter. "Would you like to try? Oh wait, you can't because your a fucking ghost!" Kyle groaned in frustration, remembering suddenly that Eric is actually dead and he's hallucinating him everywhere.

He felt a lump grow in his throat and tears start. He pressed his hands into the counter, trying to calm himself. He felt the air around him suddenly get warmer, made him feel safer then he realized Eric was right next to him, attempting to hold his hand but his own large, transparent hand just went through him. Eric sighed. "It's ok. Things might be a little bleak right now-" Kyle looked at him sharply. "A little?" Eric frowned softly. "But it's ok because it's not real. This house isn't real, I'm not real-"

Kyle stepped away from him, tears falling down his cheeks. "How is this not real? What's not real?!" The scenery around Kyle changed, it was fire and red and smoke and he seemed unaware of any of it as he unleashed his emotions. "This house is real! That dough is real! My parents are real and you know what else is? You! You died because of me. This feeling inside me..." Kyles voice broke. "It's too real. It's so raw. Like a half of my body's been ripped away and I have to hobble the rest of my life...that can't be fake. It's real and it's there and it's eating at me."

Eric could only watch as his boyfriend crumbled into tears. The scenery slowing turning into an all consuming black void.

Kyle sobbed into his hands. "God, I need you...I can't do this..." He started to looking through the drawers of the kitchen. Eric went to him, trying to stop him, knowing what he wanted to do. Seeing that desperation. He was panicked. "Kyle, stop! You can't! You need to wake up!" Kyle hiccuped with his sobs, finding the knife drawer. Erics hands went to kyles, trying to stop him but they went right through.

Then suddenly there was a bright light and Sheila's voice. "Kyle, no!" And the black void started to return to being a kitchen. Sheila fighting the knife out of her sons hands. Eric could only watch on horror and heartbreak. Finally she got it out of his hands, he sobbed into her shoulder. "I just want him back mom..." Sheila held him, petting his hair as Erics ghost disappeared. She felt her own eyes water. "Shhh I know bubblah, I know."

Kyle wasn't sure how long he had been laying in bed but he didn't want to get out. He didn't want to move. He just wanted to sleep. He stares at the prescription of antidepressants on his nightstand.

He could take all of them, then he could just...fade away.

The room felt so large and lonely. He curled, hugging himself, starting to cry. His chest felt like it caved in and his grief was overwhelming him. His room becoming a black void with nothing but him and his nightstand.

Suddenly he felt warm air again. He calmed enough to talk, his voice thick. "Your not real. Your just in my head." Eric frowned, feeling desperate, sitting on the side of the bed. It seemed as a ghost he could lean against or hold non-organic items but living things he just passes though. "Kyle, you have to believe that this isn't real. This grief isn't real." Kyle sobbed, gripping the sides of his head. "It has to be... god...it eats at me. It's gonna take me over.." "I won't let it." Eric said, sternly, seeing that what Kyle said was right. The black void of depression was starting to slowly cover him like a blanket. He kept going. "You have to wake up. This isn't real. It'll be all over if you just wake up.." Kyle sobbed calmed enough to speak. "What do you mean wake up?" Eric wanted to cry. He's never felt so helpless in his life. He had an idea, not sure if it would even work.

He started to lay down next to Kyle, attempting to wrap him in his arms, attempting to shield him from his own grief and it seemed to work. The void started lighting to a dark gray. He sighed in relief, seeing Kyle staring out at nothing. Calm but still so worrying. Eric spoke. "Please, Kyle...this isn't real. I need you to wake up. Just wake up, that's all."

He stayed by Kyles side, making sure he didn't do anything stupid. But suddenly there was a light. It was bright and it as burning away the black, gray void of grief, before turning to bright height, Kyle on the bed gasping as if he just broke water for air. Kyle turned, smiling at Eric, tears still in his green eyes. "This is it? I can be with you. " Eric worried he might be right but he couldn't speak anymore as the light got brighter burning him and the darkness away.

It going on 7PM when Kyle's eyes slowly started to open. Eric felt the small movement in his hand and looked up,his eyes widening. Kyle's awake. Kyle's eyes looked around the room frantically until they locked on Eric's. He spoke softly, his voice wavering just a bit. Eric stood up slowly. "Eric?" Eric smiled softly, cupping his face gently. His thumb avoiding the small cuts on it from the branding iron. "Yeah I'm here." Kyle let himself fall into Eric's soft chest and cried. Eric just held him tightly, gently running his hand thru his frayed, red curls, resisting the urge to break down into tears himself. "I'm here. Your safe now." Out of the cornor of his eye Eric saw the call nurse button. Not wanting to leave his little boyfriend, he let his hand slowly go over and press it. He held Kyle until the door to his room opened and a nurse gasped. "He's awake. I'll go get a doctor and alert his family." Eric spoke softly to her. "Thank you." And she left the room quietly.

A few minutes later the door opened again but this time it wasn't a doctor. It was Sheila. Her shoulders viably relaxed with relief and tears fell down her face as she came to her son with open arms. As his mom took him in his arms, Kyle whimpered. "Mom?" She hugged him gently as he now latched to her for comfort. She spoke. Her voice thick with emotion. "Yeah bubblah, moms here." She proceeded to cry again into her shirt and she gently petted his hair, shushing him gently. "shhh, it's ok now. Your safe. Me and Eric won't let anyone hurt you, your safe. Safe and sound."


End file.
